Crying Over Spilt Milk - Navigating Breastfeeding

08.06.2018

I'm cringing with anxiety as I hit publish and share this post. I'm instantly feeling that nervousness that society is judging me. In such a critical world, this topic can be scary to discuss. But as I've struggled navigating through this foreign journey, I've realized I am totally not alone and MOST first time mommas feel the same way. So here we go, please all judgements aside, I'm breaking down my struggles with breastfeeding.

 

Breastfeeding is one of the most controversial topics when it comes to becoming a Mom.  I knew from the time we started trying to have a baby that I wanted to breastfeed. To be honest, yes obviously because the amazing health benefits, but also one less reason for society to criticize me. In the hospital they just assume you know what you're doing. Because well yeah, along with all the other changes my body is going through, I'm totally not freaking out there is milk coming out of me. And come on Lo, you've seen the movies and the pros out in public, breastfeeding is so easy. I was mislead. I'm not a natural, it's hard to admit because I want to be so bad. I've cried over breastfeeding so many times and have wanted to give up, but somehow I'm still hanging in there.

Georgie latched right away which was amazing and I got an applause from the nurses. Step 1 - A good latch. DONE. But that's just a really small part of this whole thing. Aside from a good latch, you have to find a good position, angle, comfortable location, and the list goes on. I'm still not totally confident to breastfeed in public. I want to find a room, alone, where I can be uncoordinated and clumsy without judgement. I'm still building my confidence and we're 9 weeks into this thing. I know I'm not alone here...

 

We gave a pacie right away. I know it's a big NO NO in the breastfeeding world. Georgie cried for the first 24 hours straight, nonstop, literally. For our sanity (because that is somewhat important to care for our newborn) we tried the pacie, and she instantly stopped crying, It was a miracle. Baby girl wanted to suck, they have a natural sucking instinct. She takes it when she's sleepy and is content without it when she's not. We got some major judgement in the hospital, but SHE'S FINE. So Mommas, pacies are not the end of the world.

 

I've pumped since the beginning, partly to build my supply, but also so Momma could get some sleep and Daddy could feed the baby bird. She took a bottle in the hospital and has almost everyday since. And well, she's still latching just fine. I was so afraid that if she took a bottle, she would disown the breast, but she still comes back for more. It doesn't make you a bad Momma, you need a break. The best advice someone gave me was in order to care for your baby, you have to care for yourself. SELF CARE - why don't we talk about this more?

We had to supplement the first week because our little G was losing weight. I know this is very common, but the topic has risen again. I'm returning back to work in a few weeks and I've contemplated the idea of supplementing. The fact of the matter is, if I'm not with her, and there's not enough milk supply with the nanny, girlfriend has to eat. I haven't supplemented yet, and I don't know if I'll have to, but I did cry at Target as I put the formula into my cart to store in my pantry for that day that may never come. But why? She would still be getting breast milk as well, she's gotten it all along...It's because society makes us feel guilty. I don't know why I struggle with this so much, but I've cried about it so many times.

 

In a perfect world our babies would latch right away, never have a bottle or pacie, and we would know what to do from the getgo, but that's just not reality. For those mommas who have cried over spilt milk, left the milk out too long, have cracked nipples, or broken tailbones and can't get comfortable (funny story)... or maybe you can't produce enough milk or any milk at all, or baby just will not latch no matter what you do - It's okay to feel whatever you feel. For those of you who are still navigating breastfeeding or tried it and stopped or maybe you never tried it at all. IT'S OKAY. Don't let society make you feel any certain way. Caring for a newborn is hard work, it's exhausting, and we're all here doing the best we know how. I'm here to tell you first hand, being a mom is hard and breastfeeding is just one piece of this whole thing. Breastfeeding is messy, smelly, and uncomfortable for most in the beginning and sometimes the whole time, hang in there!

 

Anyways, we're 9 weeks in and Georgie has gained over 4 pounds since coming home on Momma's milk. This atleast gives me something to celebrate when I feel like I'm losing my mind - CELEBRATE THE SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENTS!

 (NOTE- Please no comments or messages about the health benefits of breastfeeding, I'm fully aware. This is meant for an outlet for mommas who are struggling and need a place to go).

 

xoLO

 

PHOTOS BY: WOLF HOUSE PHOTO

 

 

 

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